“Blue Skies”
Cheyenne Joshua
The bright red shuttle bus I had taken from the airport crawled to a stop. Was this where I was supposed to get off? If not, I would be stuck with my carry-on suitcase on a random sidewalk in Budapest, a city that I had never been to before.
My face flushed red and my sweaty palms struggled to grasp the suitcase handle as I disembarked the bus. The bus drove away, and I trembled as I glanced around at my surroundings. Although it was 9 pm on a Thursday, the city was bustling. Across the street were numerous casual restaurants advertising food from around the world.
I was in Budapest to spend the weekend with my good friend Megan, who had grown up in China, but we had met our first day at college in Minnesota. Megan was studying abroad in Budapest, and I was in Amsterdam, just a two-hour flight apart. We were the kind of friends who didn’t spend much time together, but when we did, we told each other everything. I was worried that unlike our monthly dinners back at school when we spent the whole time catching up on each others’ lives, we would run out of things to talk about within a couple of hours.
Waiting for Megan to arrive, I paced up and down the sidewalk, the suitcase softly grumbling behind me. I was starting to worry again, in the way I did when my anxiety rolled in like a storm cloud.
Fuck, I thought to myself, What if this was a horrible decision? What if this weekend is just the worst? These types thoughts were pretty much always present. Throughout the previous two months I had spent in Amsterdam, it felt as though my anxiety controlled a lot of my experiences. My chest rose as I breathed in, and a shaky breath out began to calm me. In and out.
My cellphone vibrated in my hand. Looking down I saw a text that said, “Look to your left and across the street. I see you!”
I turned to see Megan waiting for me, and smiles broke out on both of our faces as we rushed to embrace each other.
“We are going to have so much fun!” Megan exclaimed. “I can’t wait to show you how cool Budapest is.” And suddenly, I started to feel the cloud of doom begin to dissipate.
*
It was my second night in Budapest, and so far I was not disappointed in the least. I was still entranced by the serene environment that I had experienced in the massage room two hours earlier. The usual jumble of thoughts that ran through my mind had been dampened by the steady sound of rain pouring from the speakers.
“That was literally the most relaxed I have ever been in my li-” I began to say to Megan, but a high-pitched squawk made me jolt my head up in surprise. I looked up to see that the toucans in the large cage next to our table were vying for our attention. We were now at a Zoo Cafe. Yep, that’s right, a Zoo Cafe!
“When you come to visit me in China one day, we can go get massages every day if you want, honey,” Megan said, slightly laughing. She was clearly amused at just how much I had enjoyed our massages, but we could both agree that it was the best decision we had made that day.
“I would love that! If massages were that cheap everywhere, you know where I’d be literally every second of the day.”
“Well we needed it. After all, we’re definitely gonna stay out all night tonight,” Megan told me.
We sat sipping our sweet coffee drinks and observing the various animals brought to our table—we had held a snake, an iguana, a chameleon, two rabbits (one had red eyes which made me feel like at any moment it would attack me), and a guinea pig (which was the cutest animal I had ever seen). Yeah, I know this all may sound weird, but when in Budapest, right?
“Okay,” Megan said. “After we’re done here, we’re going to meet up with my friend Calvin and his friend who is also visiting, and we’re all going to go to this club I’ve heard about. It’s supposed to be super fun and have, like, three different dance rooms.”
*
We arrived at the club, which, to our dismay, had a line that snaked around the block. I suddenly got an intense urge to pee. Of course this would happen right now…I thought as I squeezed my legs together.
We decided to pay the extra money to skip the line and immediately made our way to the bathroom. Megan’s friends hadn’t yet arrived because they were still stuck in the long line outside, not wanting to spend money to skip ahead, so we decided to get started drinking.
We walked into an incandescent red lit room that was one of the many bars in the club. Glancing around, the only people besides us were a small group of guy friends drinking beers together at a table, and the female bartender with intricate tattoos covering the full length of her arms.
“Do you want to take some tequila shots?” Megan asked me, excited to start drinking.
We eagerly went through the motions: salt, tequila, lime. I loved drinking tequila shots because they were the only type of shot that you actually got some sort of chaser with. Plus, I always felt badass when I looked like I knew what I was doing.
Three tequila shots later, I was definitely feeling a little tipsy. Megan announced that the boys had arrived and left me to go find them. Even though I said I would be alright waiting by myself, my chest tightened and my whole body felt hot. Are those guys over there looking at me weirdly? Does the bartender think I was just ditched by my friend because I’m lame? No, stop! You will be okay standing here for five minutes by yourself.
I picked up my phone and scrolled through Facebook, trying to distract myself from my irrational thoughts. After a couple of minutes, I looked up and saw that Megan and two guys were walking toward me. The fog of paranoia lifted and I gave a half-hearted smile to the group.
“Honey, meet Calvin and his friend Josh. They both go to Columbia but I know Calvin because he’s on my program here. Guys, this is Cheyenne. She’s one of my best friends from Carleton.”
“Geez, Megan, you have friends?” Calvin said with a big smile on his face. “That’s a surprise.”
Megan punched Calvin playfully. He was short and stocky, with straight jet black hair combed back, and light brown eyes that crinkled at the sides when he laughed. I instantly liked him—he genuinely seemed to want to get to know me as we all sat on the high stools at the bar and chatted for awhile. Josh was quiet but sweet as he chuckled at Calvin’s jokes and fun stories about his and Megan’s adventures in Budapest.
“And then there was the time she…”
“Okay, Calvin, I think we’re done with the stories,” Megan said, her eyes moist from laughing.
We made our way downstairs to the alternative rock dance room, which had music that I was more excited about. We walked into the dark room illuminated by a deep red glow and I felt at ease when I heard that the song playing was “All These That I’ve Done” by the Killers. This was one of my favorite songs and I knew all of the words!
Calvin and I rushed ahead onto the dance floor, both banging our heads to the beat and loudly singing the song to each other. I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier! I’ve got soul but I’m not a soldier!
For hours and hours the four of us danced the night away to rock music, belting out the words of the songs that we knew, and bopping along to the ones that we didn’t. Most of the people in the room were dressed in black clothing with chains, a sort of punk vibe. They flailed their arms in the air and banged their heads, and I felt a sense of belonging as we all let loose and let ourselves just be present in the space we were in.
Even though my trip to Budapest was full of firsts, a massage, a Zoo Café, being there at that club felt as though I could’ve been right back at home dancing with my friends. We danced and sang and played the air guitar and jumped around. The love of music and dancing transcended any cultural differences between the people in that room. I finally felt free for the first time since I had been abroad. I didn’t feel the weight of my anxiety—I just felt like a 21-year-old girl having a fun night out with her friends. We stayed in the room until 5 in the morning. I could have stayed there forever.
The four of us linked arms as we stumbled outside, exhausted yet still exhilarated. I stopped for a moment and looked up—the sky was a light pale, shade of blue, no clouds in sight.
***
